Every episode of [BRACKET!] can be found below in chronological order.
SEASON 14 - THE SECOND SEASON OF ANIME
We've had a lot of fun over the years. We've done Best Cereal, Best Fast Food, Best Appetizer, Best Frozen Treat...but this? This episode? It's a no-holds-barred knife fight from start to finish. There is a standoff in the semifinals that I'm still upset about a week later. Brace yourself.
Should auld arguments be forgot
And ne’er brought to mind?
Screw that, never let grudges die
And auld lang syne.
Here comes Bracket Claus, here comes Bracket Claus, right down Bracket Claus Lane! It's a holly jolly free-for-all as sixteen Santas slide down the Challonge chimney to duke it out for seasonal supremacy. If we weren't already on the Naughty list, we sure as hell are on there now.
Time to crack open sixteen cold ones ‘cause it’s a frozen fight to the…death? Maybe not death. Sub-Zero and Mr. Freeze are on the bracket, but like, so are the Ice Climbers. I haven’t seen those cute little adventurers kill anyone.
Even though this podcast thing
Is something quite atrocious!
If you listen loud enough
You’ll always get ferocious!
Welcome, my friend. Come in from the cold and have no fear. We are always happy to welcome a new Child of the Cube into our flock. There is no war here. No famine. We have abandoned the primitive concepts of Good and Evil for the Six Sacred Sides. Shhhh…listen. Can you hear it? The hum of the Cube, calling on all of us to destroy the Sky Spheres?
We’ve assembled all our best yolks for an eggcellent episode! Scramble together with your friends for an hour of Humpty Shaming, in-depth analysis of Reese’s Eggs, and a shocking revelation about how Yoshi turns enemies into eggs. I’m just saying…have you ever seen Yoshi use a restroom? Didn’t think so.
Cullen Jennings had a birthday this week, so we got him two amazing gifts to celebrate. Dan got him a new, much longer nickname than “Country Breakfast” and Persia got him a solid hour of really mean slams recorded live from a LAN Center. I’m not sure which he enjoyed more.
For our final episode of Spooky Month, join the Snood Dudes as we head down to the Spirit Halloween store and throw our sixteen favorite masks in the cart! Gonna be honest, Ol’ Dan’s memory is getting a bit worse as he gets older so I kind of don’t remember any particular details about this episode except for Jesse burning me about Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze and a whole lot of Snood. Y’all think Batman can play Snood in his Batmobile? This is a dumb show.
WELCOME TO THE SECOND SEASON OF ANIME! That's right, folks. The Anime Entry of the Week returns! Other topics discussed on this episode include: Explaining Harry Potter to Cullen, Milk Crimes, LG Chocolate Shop of Horrors, Choc-Talk with Dan, Would You Dumpster Dive For Yoo-Hoo?
SEASON 13 EPISODES
Hot Pockets vs. Big the Cat. Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Everybody (Backstreet’s Back).
Sixteen episodes. Sixteen winners. It’s time to clean up this mess we made.
WELCOME TO SPOOKY MONTH! For the first episode of the month, Jesse and Dan forgot that Persia was moving cross-country and Cullen was away at work. Are you terrified by the incompetence of two men? Is your spine tingling at the thought of an eight-entry bracket?
When you’ve got nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, or diarrhea…hey! You’ve been listening to [BRACKET!] We’ve got sixteen of the prettiest pinks we could find and it’s time to see which salmon reigns supreme. And hey P.S. we talked to charity and you can donate to see Cullen face his fear.
Gonna let y’all in on a little secret…[BRACKET!] has been infiltrated by spies. They attempted to sabotage our recording of this episode seven times. Not a joke. Honestly if Jesse is even able to release this episode, I’d be pretty damn impressed. Hoping for the best here, especially considering Cullen says something that will, without a doubt, be in the Bracket Hall of Fame.
Oooh do you smell that? Float through the air with us and follow the scent lines to a hot fresh [BRACKET!] left on grandma’s windowsill to cool! We’ve got every pie in the sky set up in a delicious bracket with a buttery flaky crust. No soggy bottoms to be found here…well, except for Frito Pie I guess. That stuff is just sloppy. A bad bake.
Some of you might have some questions. "Hey gang, where's Chao from Sonic the Hedgehog?" Or maybe "So what about Pikmin? Or Kinectimals?" Well, your father and I need to talk to you about that. All your favorites are lined up out back behind the barn. Winter is approaching and we need to start preserving food. The almanac says it's going to be a rou-- what did I tell you about crying? Take this hatchet and get out there right now, young man.
It's time to polish those skulls and shine those...skulls. We've got sixteen of the most excellent eggheads we could find in the follicle-free world. Elmer Fudd faces off against The Pacifier! Voldemort vs. Thanos! Professor X (wow, again, huh) takes on that scene from the Spongebob Movie with King Neptune! It's an hour more electrifying than those balls filled with static at the science museum!
It's time to stop being polite and start getting real as we tour the sixteen best houses on the block! From Spongebob's pineapple to Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Children, you're sure to have a grand ol' time until Jesse starts a bit where humans have shells. Then this show becomes pretty upsetting to listen to. I was on the call like a week ago and I'm still thinking about it.
Janel SantaCruz from HyperRPG returns to [BRACKET!] to help us figure out which of these sixteen furballs is the finest feline of them all! Join us for a brain-melting hour of MC Skat Kat lore, DragonBall lexicography, Sonic Adventure karaoke, and a status report on Mike Myers (are you out there, Mike?). Join us after the credits for a BEEPing good time!
It's super hard to write these episode descriptions when you're not actually on the episode. From what I've gathered, this one is about pockets. Let's go ahead and look at the entries here...Hot Pockets of course. Pocket Monster, yup on brand. Pocket full of sunshine! Eclectic. Pocket rocket...hmm never heard of that. Let me just go ahead and take a big sip of coffee before I Google this.
We pulled it! Technical difficulties and Some Hijinx led to us releasing this March 2018 Bonus Episode from the Bracket Vault. Please enjoy our months old discussion covering Burnout Paradise, summoning up the comedy strength for Marvel villains, various types of pockets, and Jesse's Ant Crimes. The 8-entry bracket officially starts just after 34:23 mark.
They say my podcast is cool, my podcast be poppin'. I'm standing at my locker and all the boys keep stopping. I got nothing else for y'all in this episode description other than to say if you think Funko Pops are disgusting, just wait 'til you hear how many Cullen owns.
The gang's all here and ready to put you to sleep! So find a cozy spot to curl up with a good podcast. Your favorite nook in the corner of the couch. Out on the grass under the stars. Maybe you've got a nice hammock nearby? No matter where you choose to visit Dream Land, we hope you're able to sit back, relax, close your eyes, and listen to a soothing hour of loud, grating Willem Dafoe impressions.
[BRACK]street's Back, alright! Take a trip down 90s playlist lane with us to the year Princess Diana died--not sure how I felt about that one as I typed it. Well the backspace key is broken so I guess I just gotta keep typing about events of 1997 until it all evens out. Daria. Batman and Robin with George Clooney. Sabrina the Teenage Witch. We hit quota yet? Gonna hope so.
Happy 6th of July, or as we like to call it in large metropolitan areas, Happy 22nd Day Straight of Fireworks. It's been so long since we've had a still night where the stars aren't obstructed by the Devil's Fireflies and the cicadas soft cries drowned out by Cerberus's howls. Some nights I hope to see the moon. Some nights I hope the blasts will make me forget how far we've fallen. The sun is setting. I wonder what tonight will be.
Listen...now that it's summertime and you're out of school, your Mom and I are gonna need you to pitch in a bit around here. Maybe you could apply to the supermarket across town by Lorie's house? They're always.........honey I don't know what "Twitch" is. Do they pay by the hour? That's not the kind of pitching in I meant. No we're not going to buy you an L-Got-Oh so why don't you get an L-Job-Oh.
I don't wanna grow up (don't wanna grow up)! I don't wanna grow up (don't wanna grow up)! I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys 'R' -- Oh. Right. Well, uh...let's just forget about the death of a treasured childhood location and instead focus on sixteen other amazing things about being a child! Cullen will regale you with tales about what it was like growing up in 1807. Plus: A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS AND JOINS [BRACKET!]. Who could it be? Oh, the suspense!
Remember that time Jesse said chips without cheese are nachos? Do you remember that? Remember how you thought it couldn't really get worse? The good ol' days where all was right in the world? Just treasure that memory of a pre-Jesse-creampuff-without-cream world. Hold on tight to it. Never let it go.
SEASON 12 EPISODES
You know how in movies sometimes when a character is near death or going through a crisis, and suddenly every choice they made and regret in life they had confronts them in a cold dark ether of nothingness? That's basically what the Tournament of Champions is like. Plus, it's an E3 karaoke jamboree in the end-of-show game as we learn together what it sounds like when the soundboard gets out of sync.
Before we began recording, Jesse fixed himself a little cocktail of Fireball and Pepsi Max. Turns out this is the secret potion that turns Jesse into an angry stand-up comic from Boston we now know as The Blast Master, and he's got opinions about office birthday cards. Stick around at the end of the show for a new game called If I Could Turn Back Time. Or "Audio Nightmare" might be more fitting.
Sixteen movies standing in a row
Sixteen movies, fifteen have to go
But if instead of A New Hope
The Phantom Menace makes the show...
Then there'll be fifteen movies standing in a row.
Cullen Jennings returns with a fresh new [BRACKET!]! Oh, but you thought the old lady dropped it in the ocean at the end? Well baby, we went down and got it for you. Join us for a polished hour of comedy as we take these 16 pieces of jewelry to the local pawn shop to see if we can buy a Nintendo or something. Guy says this Millennium Puzzle is going to sit on his shelf for months waiting for *one* person who *might* buy it, but I've done my homework and there are people selling Millennium Eyes on eBay for like $10,000.
That's right slackers, it's time for a pop quiz on the sixteen storybooks you were assigned at the start of the summer. 1984, The Scarlet Letter, Of Mice & Men....why do you look confused? Don't tell me you forgot? Oh for the love of god. We invited special guest and friend of the show Dr. Alex Roederer to today's class and...wait. Where's Cullen Jennings? It's the first day of the semester, people.
Put on your red shoes and dance the blues with these sweet sixteen steps! Join us as we learn how to channel Necromoshing magic, confess long repressed group-dance anxieties, and bond over the weirdest use of federally-mandated physical education time.
We were all set to record a new episode of [BRACKET!] for you. We really were. A nice, sweet sixteen showdown like we've done for the past four years. Then a tornado touched down a couple miles from Cullen and took out all his power and internet. Lost without our fearless leader, Jesse and I did what we do best: fiddly-fart, have a panic attack, and test our game show pilots on each other. Sorry for *THE TORNADO*.
Dan left to go to PAX East this week and didn't draft up the episode page like he normally does, so it's Jesse at the helm making the page this week! How will it turn out? He's never actually used Squarespace extensively before and he doesn't have a whole lot of time before he's gotta go to work, so probably as minimally as possible. Oh well!
It's our first-ever [BRACKET!] Reset! Special Guest and friend of the show Brennan Williams returns to help us right the wrongs of podcast history as we HD Remaster our very first episode! Join us for an hour of new entries, old grudges, and dark confessions of solo dining. When you're here, you're family...and that means you need to lend me twenty bucks.
It's a Stan Lee villainy grand prix as sixteen silver screen evil dreams...something...look. Writing engaging copy for these things gets real fuckin' old after 199 of these things. I could crack some jokes about how the Red Skull looks like a classic Jim Carrey character or about how Hela makes me Feel Things but honestly would you even read it? Just click the play button and reminisce about how the connection we used to have, between you and me, An Episode Description.
Sixteen new challengers have appeared! We've obtained *EXCLUSIVE* access to this year's Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo Switch thanks to you, our listeners! When Masahiro Sakurai found out we asked every listener who submitted a topic suggestion "Who should Sakurai add to Smash?" AND that we kept all that data saved in a Google Doc, he practically begged us for the list. While we won't be spoiling every new character, we're excited to share these sixteen! Please look forward to more info about the game this year at E3!
This past Sunday, the most prestigious award show in the industry took place. I am, of course, talking about the recording of this podcast in our respective broom closets where we argued over 15 Best Picture Oscar Winners and 1 Goosebumps Book Cover. Be sure to listen carefully for dark secrets about the infamous "Best Will Smith" episode...unless Jesse edited it out, in which case, just enjoy the show I guess.
Sixteen! Sixteen Sesame Street Characters facing off in a brutal fight to the death, ah ah ah! This episode is brought to you by the letter "B!" You know...like [BRACKET!] and "what color is a puppet's Blood" and "Big Bird's terrifying thunder legs." Plus: which Muppet is actually a Romanian man in disguise? Find out on the only podcast brave enough to have an episode description where only two sentences actually build off the one prior!
*FANFARE* We're coming to you LIVE from Pyeongchang for the 2018 Winter Olympic Games! The three least athletic boys you've ever met in your life are ready to sweep some ice, do just an awful lot of skiing, and skeleton straight into the trash can at record speeds! Be sure to enjoy all the sights, sounds, and spirit of the games whi-- oh god. Don't look. It's Shaun White. If you make eye contact, you will turn into stone.
I'm bringing [BRACKET!] back (yea!) with sixteen smash hit singles from 2006! Time travel with us to the Year of the Wii, sync your iPod Video to iTunes, open up the dirty window, and let this list illuminate the words that you cannot find. Also you need to be reminded that George W. Bush wasn't that great. Get in the time machine, Kevin. This is not a discussion.
According to our Slack archive, John first pitched Best Number in 2015, and then proceeded to include it in topic pitches fifteen more times after that. That's a total of sixteen pitches, by my math. We could have done Best Time John Pitched Best Number. There wouldn't have been any room for Halo 2, 420, and Dale Earnhardt though. We'll go back to the drawing board.
Class is in session as Friend of the Show MJ returns to [BRACKET!] for a tumultuous tenured tussle! Sixteen of your favorite teachers from TV, Movies, and The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl duke it out in our teacher's lounge from hell to see which fictitious faculty member is top of the class. Also: if someone has seen Cullen, please let us know. His family is worried sick.
The best b-team in the business is taking over the podcast this week while Cullen and Jesse recuperate from MAGFest! Join Dan, Diana, Colin, and Zakira on our own Canterbury Tales-esque trip to the gas station on the corner. We're gonna need you to distract the teen at the county while we fill these 40s with Slurp. Come on don't be a baby just do it.
SEASON 11 EPISODES
Once again, as is tradition, we have summoned the winners of Season 11 to our Bracketorial Battlefield to fight to the death. Sixteen will enter. Only one will join the Bracket Pantheon of Tournament of "Tournament of Champions" Champions. It probably will not be Massachusetts. We also end this season with a fond farewell to one of the founding members of [BRACKET!].
WOW! How great is it to say "Christmas" without worrying about the liberal coastal elites being bussed in to my neighborhood by George Soros to kill my dog and drain my pool? Anyways it's time for a holiday themed episode, so grab a cup of cheer. After this season, you're gonna need it.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but unfortunately we were only able to catch 16 for this [BRACKET!]. Well, actually, we really only caught one. Turns out fishing isn't so much "fun" as it is "the worst thing you can do with your time." The rest we got from various pieces of pop culture and the McDonald's Lemme Get a McPick 2 menu. I got eight Filet-o-Fishs for $20 and change, so eat up.
It's a Cinematic Cult Classic Clash on [BRACKET!] this week as John, Jesse, and Cullen duke it out over...wait sorry. This list says "Treasure Planet" and "Speed Racer." What the hell is this. What happened guys? Did y'all just look at the last sixteen Mondo posters and make a -- FIGHT CLUB!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME
*sniff sniff* oh jeez. Y'all smell that? *sniff* Yeah smells like another stinker from your friends at [BRACKET!]. But wait! What's this? Special Guest, prodigal son, and co-founder of [BRACKET!] Greg L. Mercer joins us this week! And he brought fresh baked cinnamon rolls! Let's take a whiff of -- OH GOD THESE SMELL BAD TOO.
Happy Thanksgiving! We hope you all enjoyed a lovely sundae at the local scoop shop with your family and friends, as is tradition every 4th Thursday in November. Did you all go around the toppings bar and say what you're thankful fo-- okay. We forgot to make this a themed episode. There. You got us. Whoopie. Eat your damn ice cream.
Fun thing about America: there's 16 states. We do a podcast where we take 16 entries and debate about them in a single-elimination bracket. It might be a controversial episode considering the recent territorial tension between STEMtucky and The Under Realm in this new America, but please just remember we had no say in this. You think we wanted North Dakota and Idaho to merge into Thurtagen? WE DIDN'T WANT THIS EITH-- *signal lost*
Now you're playing with Super Power! The fifteen best Super Nintendo games plus Star Fox face off in a Super Sweet 16-Bit Bracket to determine which cartridge is king. If this is your last episode of the show, we understand. Can only push the envelope so far, y'know.
The 90s are back and better than ever as we face sixteen of the most iconic Nickelodeon IPs off in a cartoon clash! We need to wrap up by 9 PM though. Full House is coming on and it's the early episodes where Jesse has a completely different name.
Gonna be honest with you -- at one point, we stop the show to play HQ. I don't know how it happened and I was there for the whole thing. Cullen shows up twenty minutes late and is like "hey heads up we gotta stop at 9 to play this iPhone game" and if I kept it all in the show, it would have been a three hour podcast. None of us won the cash prize, by the way. Stay tuned at the end for a couple Special Announcements!
It's a graveyard smash as Lori Beth Denberg and Steve Starkins from Lost Treasure Of The Valley join us to put a spell on you! This episode is creepy, cooky, mysterious, spooky....you name it. So if there's something strange in your neighborhood, put on this episode, because it's most likely Cullen and he gets easily confused.
Let's watch a Disney Channel Movie with Lucas and Emma from DCOMedy! Sixteen of them, to be exact. For the first time ever, ALL of your favorites are on here! We've got This Horny House, Phantom of the Opera But For Kids, Teen Wolf in March, Teen Wolf in Water, Fingernail Wizards...as John Ryan Abbott would say, "The 90s are back."
It's the (second) most wonderful time of the year! Bring your best flannel and join us around the bonfire for some hot cider. Hey one thing you have to know, though....on your way up here, you're gonna have to drive around this Oktoberfest thing. Whatever you do, do *NOT* stop. They will pretend they're dead in the road -- this is a trick. Do not exit the vehicle, and please do NOT take off your shoes. That's how they get their power. Okay so call me when you get this and we'll see you there.
See, because last week we did "Best Uncle" and so like, this week we're doing Ants. It's one of my favorite jokes, a homophone joke. This is probably the point where Cullen would chime in and say something along the lines of "You can't say that, Dan" but Cullen doesn't write these posts and for damn good reason.
Your four favorite uncles are back at it again! Also they're moving in and living in the basement, the attic, and your childhood bedroom. Look, the situation isn't exactly ideal for us either. You think we want to drive you to school? I'd much rather be out there finding lost treasures and becoming a rock star.
Sixteen of SEGA's anthropomorphic animals go up but only one can come down as the winner of the worst episode idea we've ever had. Follow me through an hour of regrets, set me free from John's deep well of Sonic lore, and trust me that we will escape from this mp3. We all will just have to live and leaHEYBIGCATHEYLITTLEGUYCANYOUTELLMEWHATSINSIDE
Quick question before you start this episode: would you order the baked ziti from Sbarro? Like...and remember, this is just hypothetical...say they had every kind of pizza on the menu ready to go. Just out of the oven, hot and fresh. A veritable buffet of pizza. And sitting at the end of the counter, under a single heat lamp beating down like the summer sun on the side of a barn, is the baked ziti. Would you order it? Weird Q, I know, but you gotta figure out the answer for yourself before you click play.
SEASON 10 EPISODES
It's time once again. Sixteen winners face off in an epic Tournament of Champions [BRACKET!] to claim eternal glory and enter the hollowed grounds of Tournament of "Tournament of Champions" Champions alongside Clone High, Hammerhead Sharks, and *sigh* Dan McKenney.
It's a Brand Battle Royale on this week's [BRACKET!] to determine which corporate conception can always close the deal. Join us as we create our own Flo-sonas, discover the origins (and death?) of Grimace, and revisit our favorite minor-league mascot, Southpaw the Lynchburg Hlllcat.
MJ from Dungeons & Lesbians and Can't Let Go - A Nashville CMT Podcast rolls into town with the county fair, bringing sixteen iconic rides to our Miserable Midway! Get ready to Tilt-a-Hurl with us as we explore the psyche of a traumatized young Dan, jump into some Bullying Machines, and float down a nasty river in a big splinter boat (look out for the camera!).
In honor of America's birthday, we've put together the sixteen best kinds of cake in a dessert duel to the death to determine which slice reigns supreme! Also in this episode is a shocking revelation about the Virginia Dairy Queen, Boston-style birthday cake, and even a musical number.
Fallon from Dungeons & Lesbians joins us to find out whatever happened to predictability and determine which TV theme is the very best like no one ever was! Nobody told you the podcast was gonna be this way, but life is like a hurricane here in Bracketburg. Sit your booty in a floor or in a chair while I tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air. We promise you'll have a yabba dabba doo time.
Okay so let's just be honest with each other here: we forgot about Destiny's Child. And that's a felony. Even worse, we have Ed, Edd, and Eddy on this list *instead* of Destiny's Child, which is a war crime. So now we're on the lamb and looking for a place to crash while this all dies down. If you happen to have a porch or shed we can hide under, please send us an email.
Ka-chow! We threw every Pixar movie released at time of recording (except Cars 2, don't @ me) into our patented Sweet 16 [BRACKET!], turned the dang thing on, and let 'er rip through each 90-minute romp to determine the best of the bunch. Join us on a journey of animated self-discovery where we ponder the morality of Toy Story and rewrite Frasier (classic Pixar buddy comedy) as an anime.
Stand-up comics Vanessa Gritton and Jessica Singer be our guests and help answer two simple questions: which Disney Princess reigns supreme, and if ye had ah chahnce te change yer fayte....wood ye? Join us as we embark on a journey to discover the colors of the wind, change who our reflection shows, go from Zero to Hero, and travel to a galaxy far, far away. Canonically Star Wars now exists in the same universe as Mickey Mouse. Sorry. Not our fault.
Come on down to our Memorial Day BBQ! Returning guest Gabe Silva brought some gout-inducing pulled pork, and Janette Goering picked up a case of ice pops and a whole thing of cornbread. Oh, and you have *got* to try the white-people kimchi Uncle Dan brought. It'll hold you over while Cousin John gets those adult front ribs fired up on the grill.
Coming fresh off the NEXT bus is Special Guest MJ from Dungeons & Lesbians with a Super Sweet Sixteen of the best TV shows to grace the afterschool airwaves! Hop on in to our Pimped out Ride while we hunt down some Catfish, pull some pranks with Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera, and move into a house with seven strangers. The strangers, by the way, include Ozzy Osbourne and Carson Daly.
Cheers, love! The cavalry's here! After an incredibly heated debate, we selected sixteen of Jeff Kaplan's most smoochable heroes to battle it out in what Jesse describes as "the most fucked [BRACKET!] yet." Will justice reign from above, or will it be time to amp it up? Does Roadhog secretly have Daredevil powers? Listen to find out the answers to these questions and more! The more, btw, is John's Evil-Winston fanfic.
Sound.wav's Nell Bailey makes a terrible mistake and joins us for a no-good very bad episode all about everyone's favorite organ: eyes! John summons a Blue Eyes White Dragon while placing a Trap Card face-down. Cullen changes the lyrics, title, and really the whole meaning of Brown-Eyed Girl. Jesse gives Sauron new powers. Dan has regrets.
Billy Gagon from Dingo Dog Brewing Co. returns after a 135 episode hiatus for what may be one of our wildest episodes ever. No, really. Maybe don't start with this one as your first episode. John wills a meme into existence while Jesse tries to reclaim "Doggy-Style" as a hip new phrase all the teens are saying. Cullen takes a deep dive into the Baha Men. Dan is just happy to talk about the 100 Good Deeds of Eddie McDowd.
Special guest MJ from Dungeons & Lesbians joins us princes of the universe for a crazy little thing called [BRACKET!] to pick the Best Queen Song! The gang feels under pressure with so many killer Queen songs, but we somehow manage to break free because the show must go on. If anyone can figure out how to fit "Flash's Theme" into this post organically, they can have my hosting spot permanently.
Abed Gheith returns to kick off Season Ten and help decide which iconic school lunch will be this month's Manager Special. John eats lunch in the bathroom while Cullen feeds people knuckle sandwiches. Jesse finds a surprise inside his chicken patty, and Dan once fished a sandwich out of the trash can and nobody saw EXCEPT MIKE IN SECOND GRADE who just *had* to tell a lunch monitor because he's a little dirtbag.
SEASON 9 EPISODES
The Tournament of Champions is our end-of-season battle royale where the 16 winners of Season 9 face off to be crowned Best of the Season. With only four hosts, there's only one way to break ties: calling random people in our contact lists. No, really. That's a thing we did. I called my brother.
Colin Padgett Arnold, our resident Bestiary expert and co-host of Creature Culture, joins our medieval melee that will separate the orcs from the elves and the merfolk from the WaveRace64s. Honestly this entire bracket is just one big excuse for us to debate Giants vs. Smurfs, slam dunk on some Gorons, and make references to our Dungeons & Dragons adventures. Stick around at the end to prepare for next week's Tournament of Champions!
Dan went to Boston to be with the rats, so Cullen, John, and Jesse recorded a very special episode that definitely did not hurt Dan's feelings at all. Made of steel, that boy. Very large, unwieldy steel. Anyways, now's a great time to pop open some Danimals Drinkable Yogurt while we reflect on TV's greatest dad (Danny Tanner), TV's worst dad (Danny DeVito), and a whole bunch of other white dudes named Dan.
Guys what the heck happened.
We like to think of [BRACKET!] as a judgement-free zone...like Planet Fitness! But less pizza and there's no weird alarm on the wall. When special guest Albro Lundy gets upset with our encyclopedic knowledge of Power Rangers and Captain Underpants lore, he violates the circle of trust we've worked so hard to build. Thought we were friends, dude. Anyways, yes Spider-Gwen is on the bracket. Don't tweet us ever again.
Cameron Kunzelman joins us and 16 of the Best Adventurers on an odyssey to steal the Declaration of Independence! Danger will most certainly be faced head-on while the toughest of choices will be made! Does Link have what it takes to defeat Nathan Drake? Is Bear Grylls a big fat liar? Did Dan seriously believe Dora the Explorer could hear his responses when he talked to the TV? The answers to these questions and so much more await you in Journey To The Center Of The [BRACKET!]. Ask your parents to pick up a copy today!!
Esabelle Ryngin (science cartoonist, entomologist, and co-creator of Bugs and Kisses) joins us to metamorphose this bad podcast into a good one and help decide which of these sixteen entries is the ideal insect! Fair warning: there's a lot of Bug's Life talk. Cullen also picked up an entire anthill and put it in a shoebox under his bed, so that might be uncomfortable to hear about. Just want to make sure we cover all the bases.
[BRACKET!] is like a box of chocolates: about half of 'em are filled with stuff you hate. The other half are palatable enough, like this episode. It could be because special guest Blythe Roberson is here to help pilot this crashing podcast into the Hudson River before we go up in flames hunting for the Tru Tru. You've got a friend in us, listener. We really, really, really, really, really, really, really like you.
Greg L. Mercer, co-founding member of [BRACKET!] and co-host of the Transformers podcast Sound.wav, returns for our birthday party! And he brought sixteen clowns with him. Isn't that thoughtful? Everyone be sure to say thank you to the newest member of the Insane Clown Posse before they all go missing, rapture-style.
I hope y'all are ready to have your minds blown by the incredible audio technology we have at our disposal. After we lost 23 minutes of Jesse's audio, we spent $10,000 on digitally recreating the voice of Jesse Knowles. It's incredible, we can make it sound like Jesse is saying anything. I'm going to have him read the script to Ellen's Energy Adventure ride at Epcot next.
Oh and get ready to talk about some ducks with our good friend and Pokemon Researcher Dr. Alex Roederer.
Comedian and writer Meg Favreau is here to help convince Jesse that you can't call a bowl of plain tortilla chips "nachos." No really. That's a thing we have to do. And we're all going to chip in and do our part to help Jesse overcome this CERTIFIABLY WILD idea. Oh, and Cullen doesn't know what poutine is. Meg shares where you can find the best Nebraskan Cheese Bread. Worth the drive, 5/5 on Yelp.
Special Guest and Very Good KicksMan Chris Kluwe returns to pit bloodsport against laser tag against the laziest game J.K. Rowling could have invented...okay. Woof. I'm sorry. I can't keep writing this episode description pretending we didn't goof this bracket up real bad. And I know you're thinking "Hey par for the course for you chucklefucks" but like....MAN. WOOF. Swing and a miss.
Whoa what are you doing!?! You're supposed to throw it at the Mewtwo! Not...oh my god STOP. Special Guest Abigail Tyson from Adult Swim Games joins us again to completely ruin all of your favorite Pokemon from Red & Blue. Just destroy them. Ravage them from the inside out. Fuck them *up*.
Hello new listener! Maybe don't start with this episode because BOW HOWDY is it a rough one to start with. Our guest went missing this week, so we did the most reasonable thing: recorded ourselves talking about nonsense for about 50 minutes, then doing a 20-minute four entry bracket. Please enjoy this look behind the scenes at what goes down before we start an episode, from building a Best Fictional Sport bracket to John signing up for a Crunchyroll account.
"All of you!" Wow. Harsh. We were thinking, like, maybe Charlie Brown or Eeyore but okay. Special guest Claire Friedman is here with us, so congrats on not taking her feelings into consideration before throwing your sticks and stones. Really expected better from you listeners by this point. Shame on me, I guess.
Please don't feel bad about holding on to hundreds of Pokemon cards for years. Or the pile of Funko Pops collecting dust on your shelf. Or your collection of Doctor Who shirts from Teefury. At least you didn't eat a Yu-Gi-Oh! card live on-air while recording a comedy podcast.
Well, we've only referenced Home Alone Traps about a hundred times in the past, so we might as well give them their own [BRACKET!] to find out which of Kevin McCallister's homicidal tendencies brought to life is the best. Please enjoy our Holiday 2016 episode that doubles as a personal appeal to Daniel Stern and Sean Astin.
SEASON 8 EPISODES
Listen. We're not sure how this Tournament of Champions, our gauntlet where we take the last 16 winners and face them off in a final bracket, turned into PodcAstin with Sean Astin: The Podcast Dedicated to All Things Sean Astin or Other(sam)wise. But it did and we aren't the least bit sorry about it.
Special Guest Alex Jones joins us for a medical melee to determine which fictional doctor is graduating at the top of the class! Jesse teaches us about the real Patch Adams, while Dan fights tooth-and-nail for tossed salad and scrambled eggs. John wonders if Dr. Zaius ever took the Hippocratic Oath.
Colin & Gnollbard from Creature Culture join us to fight fireworks with coffee pots! Cullen sets off an explosion in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Dan straps a tomahawk to a La-Z-Boy. John gets a geography lesson and sets up underground Frankenstein fights.
Gabe Silva (animator at Rooster Teeth) joins us for a getaway gauntlet! Dan sneaks away from the chaperones. Jesse tries out for a reality show but won't tell us which one. John hosts MTV Spring Break Live from the video game conventions while Cullen challenges wolves to a fistfight in the middle of Europe.
Abigail Tyson and Sean Baptiste from Adult Swim's Lunchtime Games join us for a toaster pastry throwdown! Cullen walks us through the Do's and Dont's of consuming toxic items in your pantry. Dan spreads the good word of "Freeze 'Em, Then Eat 'Em!" dessert Pop-Tarts. Jesse champions the classics in his most fired-up episode yet.
It's a controversial companion clash this week on [BRACKET!]. Jesse cooks up some waffles with Chewbacca, while John drops some bees down claymation knickers. Cullen teaches us some famous Dreamworks catchphrases, and Dan throws Samwise into whatever that dumb mountain from the Lord of the Rings is called. Misty Mountain? Mount Doom? I don't know. Don't @ me.
Friend of the show and illustrator Irene Koh returns for our final Spooky Month episode to decide which witch frightens us the most! Jesse REALLY wants to see Blair Witch already, while John recounts his time spent with Wicked. Cullen just wants a sandwich.
Special Guest and skeleton expert Arden joins us to figure out which bag of bones reigns supreme! Cullen hunts for Bigfoot, while John rewatches the ending of Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest. Jesse has to make a tough choice between Manny and Jack Skellington. Dan wants to get off Mr. Bones's Wild Ride.
Special Guest Jessica Michelle Singleton returns to [BRACKET!] to help us with our coagulation contemplation. Cullen destroys a home with fake blood, while John forgets how blood vessels work. Dan tells the true story of the Fox and the Hound and predicts the future.
Special Guests Nell Bailey & Greg L. Mercer from sound.wav join us to kick off Spooky Month, the annual [BRACKET!] tradition of Halloween-themed episodes throughout October. Please enjoy this extra-length episode in which at least 30 minutes are spent on Sonic the Hedgehog and some dude from Harry Potter.
Special Guest Albro Lundy joins us in a corporate conference call clash! John chases after them Duke boys with Nobuo Uematsu's personal choir. Dan tries to outrun the law with Buddy Valastro, while Cullen teaches us about a wrestler who's *thing* was being a cop? Jesse finds an ally to help defend the Treasure Planet OST.
Comic Roulette's Alex Jaffe returns to [BRACKET!] to talk smack about cartoon babies. John describes in detail the Three Sins of Bamm Bamm, while Cullen wants to get wit'cha and take your picture. Jesse is on Tasteless Joke Patrol. Dan is curious what it sounds like when a Pokemon cusses.
Special guest Chipocrite (Paul Weinstein) joins us to hang out the side of our best friend's ride in a heated musical melee! John takes us back to his local skating rink, while Jesse digs out a copy of Disney's Treasure Planet soundtrack. Cullen backs his thang up with Dan in defense of Shania Twain.
Composer and sound designer Emily Meo joins us for an all-out console war. Cullen shares his love of Gex and Bonk. Dan says some hurtful things about Final Fantasy IX, and Jesse 100% agrees with him. Emily sets us free to escape from the city, and John kicks off a new pre-show warm-up.
Special Guest PJ Sykes joins us to get our asses to Mars. Cullen unlocks some bonus features on the Planet Earth blu-ray. Jesse has a fateful encounter outside Planet Hollywood. John cooks up some special spuds, while Dan has a pessimistic outlook on humanity's future.
Eden and Fin from Going Down With Ship join us to let sparks fly and reminisce about high school dates. Dan kicks off a long-term relationship with Mos Def and Jack Black. Cullen scores the USA a Gold Medal in "Proms." Eden and Fin teach us about MTV Dating Shows, and Jesse uses this episode as a therapy session.
[BRACKET!] returns with a crate of fresh blue raspberries from the farmer's market to kick off Season Eight! Cullen takes a crack at some produce with a baseball bat behind the Wal-Mart. John helps peaches learn to use Windows Movie Maker. Jesse gets upset about candy scientists playing Fruit God, and Dan prepares for Spooky Month with the Cranberry Bog Man.